Jonah Hex

The summer is supposed to be "Blockbuster Season." You wouldn't have known that from Summer 2010. Aside from Toy Story 3, Inception, and the Expendables (although I've heard disagreement about the latter), everything underperformed and was underwhelming. Prince of Persia AND Sex & the City/Shrek sequels? Kids are on summer break, let's not make them wish they were in school, eh?

And right in the middle of the "Oooh, loud noises, pretty colors, and that's it" movie tour is Jonah Hex. Jonah was in the Confederate Army until he pissed off Quentin Turnbull (Malkovich), his commanding officer, who then killed his family and disfigured his face. Native Americans saved him from death and as a result he can speak to dead people and ravens follow him around. Now Jonah has to stop Turnbull from attacking America's centennial celebration. Also Megan Fox is somehow involved.

Liked:

-It was 82 minutes.

-It was fun to continuously say we're getting "hexed" by how good the movie is. 

-Lance Reddick cameo!

Disliked:

-Did it seem like I could have gone into more detail about Megan Fox's role? Because I couldn't. She's just sort of thrown into the movie as a hooker who knows/is in love with Hex. Then she's gone for about 40 minutes. Then she's back and captured. Clearly the writers stayed up late coming up with her part.

-The movie is set in 1876 in the west, yet all the music is hard modern rock. 

-For some reason Jonah Hex gets a dog somewhere during the movie.

-Wes Bentley seemed like he was poised for greatness after American Beauty. Greatness, thy name is Hex.

-Wild Wild West was set in the old west and featured a villain creating a giant metal contraption with technology that didn't exist at the time. I guess the "7 year recycling" rule applies to movies as well.

-Just because you're deformed doesn't mean you have to grit your teeth when you talk. Open your mouth, Jonah. 

To sum it up (in 20 words or less):

Just because it's a comic doesn't mean it has to be a shitty summer movie too. 

The Kids Are All Right (2010)

The Kids Are Alright is about a middle-aged lesbian couple, Nic and Jules (Benning and Moore) going through a slump in their marriage. In the middle of this slump their kids, Jodi and Laser (yes, his name is Laser) (Wasikowska and Hutcherson) get in contact with the sperm donor used to conceive them, Paul (Ruffalo). Paul is a free spirit (not so much in the flower child way, more in the used to smoke a lot of pot way). As a result, he either inspires or butts heads with the individual members of the family. However, despite being the catalyst for most of the film's events, the movie is hardly about Paul at all.

Liked:
-Benning and Moore do an amazing job of looking and acting like two people who, despite loving each other very much, have lost that spark in their marriage and are worn down from being in the rut for so long.
-Annette Benning's dominant and opinionated Nic steals every scene, even if I was thinking how annoying it would be to be around her at the same time.
-Two lesbians being concerned that their son might be experimenting with another guy and wanting to have "the talk" with him. Gold.
-Mark Ruffalo started off slow to me (Just Like Heaven, 13 Going on 30), but he's had about 5 or 6 years of mostly solid role choices. Good for him.
-"I need your observations like I need a dick in my ass" may top "Fuck me, your majesty" as the best Annette Benning line. And the best line period.
-Inevitably every guy has gotten the question "Would you be pissed if you were dating a girl and she cheated on you with another girl?". Well, I now theoretically have the answer for the opposite of that.
-The ending. The more I thought about it, the more solid I realized it was.
-MGMT during the credits.

Disliked:
-For the most part, Josh Hutcherson just hangs around.. Not to say that I'm expecting big things from him, but I can imagine "react" being written as his stage direction on the script for most scenes.

To sum it up (in 20 words or less):
I'd hate to use "heartwarming," but TKAAR is just that. Probably even better after a decade of marriage too.

***1/2

Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore (2010)

What's with the talking animal movies all of a sudden? Sure Babe was fun, but Beverly Hills Chihuahua and and Marmaduke aren't exactly hitting the same level of quality. And even more to the point, who decided that these talking animals needed to fight crime? Yes, G-Force made over $100 million. It doesn't work every time.

Kitty Galore (voiced by Bette Midler...really?) is the titular feline antagonist, enacting her titular revenge on the world that shunned her once she fell into a vat of hairloss liquid (Batman would have been much different if that's all that happened to the Joker). The only way to stop her is for dogs and cats to join forces which I guess this is supposed to be a big deal, but no one really seems to mind except dog force rookie, Diggs (James Marsden). The writers should have gone full-tilt and had him throwing phrases like "separate but equal" around. The protest firehosing/cats hate water jokes write themselves! The team discovers clues, fight henchmen, and banter in order to find Kitty Galore and stop her evil plan, all while humans seem to not notice where their pets have gone.

Liked:
-Jack McBrayer is great as Chuck the Magnificent/Kitty Galore's oblivious owner, essentially playing the same character he always does. I'll admit to laughing when trying to show Kitty his version of the "sword through the box" trick, ending with the impaled stuffed cat he was demonstrating with.
-I don't know why, but despite never being good in any movie, I mark out when Chris O'Donnell is in anything.
-Neil Patrick Harris voices a beagle with a necktie.

Disliked:
-Seriously, is anyone looking at their dog and thinking "I wish you flew around on a jetpack and fought crime"? I always stop at "jetpack".
-It's sad to see where some people's careers have gotten to. I understand why Katt Williams is in this. Nick Nolte and Bette Midler, get better agents.
-The fact that it's a sequel to a movie made nine years ago that no one remembers or cares about. If you make a crappy kid's movie and then wait that long to make the sequel, those kids are now teenagers and won't want to see the crappy sequel. Toy Story succeeded in figuring this out.
-Little kids are dumb and love animals, but at least make the animals funny or interesting. Otherwise it just seems like you churned out a movie without even trying or carin...oh. Gotcha.

To sum it up (in 20 words or less):
I could film and voice animals around my house, with no plot alterations, and make a better movie.

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